Living the Life....

Well let's see: Car is still broke: it has been since before Thanksgiving.  The head is blown on it. Poor David has tried to make sure it is not something else. Wishful thinking on our parts.  I just want to cry all the time. Nothing is going right!!!! Not one thing.

When I say I am living the life, boy I am just dripping with sarcasm!!! I just don't know how much more I can take :(

I am in a deep dark black hole and there is no way out and no life line. I never would have envisioned this to be my life at 46. So depressing ......

No money to get it fixed (would be at least $700.00) and may only last 6 months.
Can't get a loan for a new car.
No money to get something new to me.

There you go my life in a nutshell. This is what I fought Pancreatic Cancer for 2 years for.... To Live this life..... Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soo tired...

Tired of
trying: to come with a new way of dealing with this.
wrapping my head around it all.
reliving the last 14 years.
not being able to sleep.
 being depressed.
feeling incompetent.
feeling useless.
hearing about it.
listening to it.
agreeing with it.
being angry.
being sad.
having this hang over our heads.
ruining my day.
it having this much power over us.
it affecting all of us.
of everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Too Much!!!!

This has been one of those weeks!!! I said to Missy the other day i just had the 3rd worst day of my life... I am drowning. My eldest daughter is up to her antic's again. I guess she really is a pill addict and has been stealing from everyone.

She has been stealing pills from me. She tried to find pills to steal from her grandparents on Christmas eve. She tried to find money to steal from her sister the other day so she could go to urgent care to get pills. Lord please help me through this!!!!!

I just can't believe 14 years later and we are still going through the same issues. OMG. Will this never end. Her husband has said this is his last time. If she does not stay clean this time he is taking the girls and leaving.....

I don't blame him. You can not live like that everyday. She mopes around and acts like there is no sunshine. No babies calling Mommie, No one who cares about her. It does not matter what you say, what you do, how you do it, how you say it. She is a border line personality disorder person. And I am tired. I can not fix this. No matter what I do I can not fix this.

Lord please help her!!!!......

I am making my own LSD again:

I know sounds exciting!!! Not really LOL. I have Vertigo really bad at times. The last few days has been pretty bad, I must say. Probably a good thing I don't have a car cause can't drive it anyway HAHAHA!! Would get pulled over for drunk driving.

The company that I am an Independent Consultant for (Scentsy Wickless Candles) is making a big announcement tomorrow and I am really excited to see what they have in store for me!!!! Got my Scent of the month warmer and scent and LURV them both. They are both awesome. Should do really well.

My kidney's are a screaming mad lately... I just keep thinking back to what the Dr. said "Take good care of  that kidney". Well how am I supposed to that when my Sarcoidosis is attacking both of them like crazy!!! Not just the one that is already bad but the good one also. Almost every day anymore. Has been pretty consistent for the last 4 months since my surgery. BLAH BLAH BLAH always the same: Loving Life.

LIVE LAUGH LOVE :)

Good Grief Already!!!

Ok so again nothing exciting here!!! Just the usual. My car ugh.... Has been giving us the shaft for a month now. I have had no transportation for a MONTH NOW!!!! Poor David has tried almost everything. I only ask again "why me"? I for the life of me just do not understand.

I haven't heard from some since January 1st and some even longer than that. Are they alive? I have decided right or wrong I am not calling. I feel that if someone wants to know if I am alive they will send smoke signals. Have had to start my anti-depressant again. It is the time of year. I get hit by sad (seasonal anxiety disorder) every year. Or maybe it is I am just sad all year mmm. Well whatever it is it is here with a venous.

My mother is complaining  about one daughter(not paying her her rent money), second daughter is complaining about her mother(saw on blog that I was not there for her when she had first grandson, like I said I would be). I have no idea what I said I would do and evidently did not do????? Others I have now idea what I did or did not do to them either??? I give up and leave me the flip alone. I can not even help myself no less anyone or anything else.

I am getting a headache of mass size. I need ...... .........................................................I need a new life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Thankgiving to all

OK I have been starving for turkey since before I opened my eyes this morning!!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE. HOPE YOU ARE IN THE MOMENT AND ENJOY ALL THAT YOU ARE BLESSED TO HAVE RECIEVED :)

Good Morning World

So it is Friday Again!!!! Going to be a busy one. Well we hope anyway. Where do you start when you have a house that looks like Godzilla threw up in it and there is no motivation. Then tonight we have to load the van and take our Scentsy stuff to Edgewood High and set it up for the craft show tomorrow. Ugh, I think I want to head to bed now hahhahaha.

On a good note Janice's grand-daughter is coming today!!!!! Mom is being induced and I can't wait for little Hailey Erin Rochelle Chisenhall to enter the world. I hope she brings Janice a lot of distraction and many blessings. It is not fair to expect so much from one so little but if anyone needs it right now it is Janice. The Holidays being around the corner and her anniversary, is making this a very hard time for her :(

And this is why I am not complicated enough to blog. I love life at it's slowest.....